Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
