He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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