He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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