All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
