Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
