So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
