I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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