Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
