It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
