whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
