You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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