i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
