i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
