We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
