if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
