I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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