Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
