This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
