I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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