I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
