You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
its not stalking. its research.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
