you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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