i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
