Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
