i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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