dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What a dumb baby whore.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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