you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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