three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm too high and old for this...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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