"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
