Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
