i just wanna soil my oats bro
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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