I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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