First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
