I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
