Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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