We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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