He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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