Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
