i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
