Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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