I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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