The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
