I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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