..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
