your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
