zippers are such a cool invention
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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