And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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