i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
