No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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