I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
